My baby is 6 months old!!!

21 Jan

I am the internet’s worst blogger.  I really don’t know how you other “new moms” do it, but I just have not been able to update this!! I feel like it takes so much to just do things like the dishes, or washing bottles and pump parts, that any down time I have I want to just watch TV and not think.

 Well, I cannot believe that six months have really gone by!! It feels like 6 years. These have been the most beautiful, fulfilling, terrifying, hardest, and again most beautiful months of my life.  Baby is doing so well! She’s started solids.  It’s cute, whenever I eat she smacks her lips. I gave her a try at cereal at 4 months, and she loved it, but it also made her constipated so I stopped altogether until maybe 5.5 months. Then her first real meal was avocado- I just smooshed it up really thin and added breastmilk.  She LOVED it.  She also likes banana (but I just gave her a bite or two of that, I don’t want her used to sweets yet!).  I have to figure out some type of schedule for solids.  I’m not sure if I have to do one meal a day, or what. So far I’ve been doing them in the evening so that she isn’t as hungry at night. She has been waking up MORE now than before to nurse. She usually does 3 am. Then 5 am.  I actually enjoy it, because when I started work again she started to like the bottle more. I was convinced that she’d stop nursing altogether and I cried and cried.  But I kept pumping and kept offering it to her and she is back to nursing!! There are times when she wants to just sit and eat, so I’ll make her a bottle. The night nursing is my favorite though. I love just cradling her and listening to her drink the milk. Heaven.

So yes, I started when she was 5 months and the first day back was the WORST> I wanted to die.  But we did FaceTime, and by the afternoon my tears stopped flowing.  And I’m only back three days a week until she turns one, so that makes it so much easier.  My sister is watching her so that takes away so much stress!!! I know that she’s with her auntie that loves her 🙂

I’m writing these updates at work, because it’s the only “down time” I have in life right now! Ha ha. There’s so much more, but I Just wanted to check in!

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Two months old!

23 Sep

Cat is two months old!  I feel like I’ve only recently felt like “myself” again.  Those first few weeks were the most difficult of my entire life!!!  To hold your tiny baby, so helpless without you, totally dependent on you… fills you with so much love and is yet so terrifying!!!  Those first nights when my husband, mom, and I took turns watching her sleep (literally) were the scariest of my life.  I was certain that she’d start spitting up amniotic fluid, or that she’s stop breathing, or that I’d find her with her little face pressed against the side of the bassinette.  So scary.  Setting the alarm for every three hours so she could eat was also stressful.  I’d be so sleepy and would be so afraid of falling asleep with her in my arms and then either suffocating her or dropping her.  And the tiredness.  One time I even hallucinated! Mr. Wolf asked if I wanted to rest alone for a while, so I said yes and he took Cat down for a while.   I woke up and went down the stairs, and then panicked when I realized she wasn’t in my arms! The terror I felt.  I checked in my shirt and was relieved because I thought she was tucked between my boobs.  Yea…….  Another time I asked my husband if he could take the baby from me because I needed to pee, to please watch her for a minute.  Yea, he’d already been holding her.  Sleep deprivation is NO JOKE!  I honestly think that’s a huge factor, combined with hormones, in the baby blues which I did have for about a month.

I feel like she started getting longer stretches of sleep starting maybe at one month.  Now she’s been giving me up to 8 hours!! Sometimes she will wake up at 4 am to eat, or 6 am… but mostly she lets me sleep in until 9.  Then she eats, and we nap together for a bit with her on my chest.  She used to go to sleep at 3 a. m. for the night, but lately she’s been going to sleep “for the night” starting at midnight. YES.  Which gives me time for reading.  Yep. Funds for my scholarship got renewed so am taking two online classes this semester.  At first I was panicking because there was no way I’d want to do something that would take precious time away from my little girl.  This maternity leave is supposed to be about bonding! I have until December and I want to enjoy every possible second with her!  So I told myself I’d give it a week and see if I was sacrificing time from her. NOT worth it to me.  Yes, I want her to be proud of mami for finishing her Bachelor’s finally. But not at the expense of too much time from her.  But it’s worked!  I do my reading during her day time naps, and at night too (it’s 3 am right now.)  I actually kinda cram it all into two or three days so really it’s not bad.  Enough about school,

I’ve been taking her to parks on solo trips during the work week. She loves being underneath trees.  She will just look up at the trees with those beautiful innocent eyes.  Oh her eyes are just gorgeous.  When she looks into my eyes I just melt.  She will lay on my chest and crook her head to the side to look at me, and I’ll sing to her our little songs and she just stares at me and there’s so much love I could cry.  I’m tearing up right now just thinking about it.  I wish I could freeze time and just live in the now forever.  I also take her on shopping excursions with my sisters, and she has so far behaved so well!!

On weekends Mr Wolf and I take her on picnics.  Yesterday we sat on the grass and I brought a cover to breastfeed her.  only, there was no back support so it was really uncomfortable.  So, Mr Wolf and I sat back-to-back and that gave me support and felt better.  People did double takes as they walked by.  What a sight that must have been, ha ha.

Breastfeeding: I LOVE IT.  I really don’t remember what I’ve written, so I’m sorry if this is a re-write.  It was really hard for her to latch in the hospital.  Sometimes she’d get it, which was great, and other times she’d panick and just cry and give up.  On the third day she went through a really long spell of not latching so I told them I’d like to try formula because she was starving.  The LC agreed that she should have a little.  Luckily for us, with practice she got the hang of latching on!  So, she breastfeeds, and Mr Wolf will give her the occasional bottle of formula when I don’t have pumped breastmilk. (I hate pumping!!)

She loves bathtime!! Loves it.  She’ll just sit there, wriggling her little arms and legs, and coo.  She’ll watch the water, and look at me, and you can just tell she loves it.  One time she even fell asleep, ha ha!

Smiling started at maybe 6 weeks. Cooing started at around 7 weeks.  Now at 9 weeks she’s “really” starting her cooing.  It’s the cutest! She only fusses when she is hungry.  She has this cute little scream when she can’t fall asleep.  Love love love that!  She’s so happy and sweet, I’m such a lucky mommy!

Well, these are just some random updates!I love my baby girl. Those first few weeks were ROUGH but we have found a groove and I’m just enjoying every minute of mommyhood 🙂   

So in love (and tired!)

21 Aug

Sorry I have neglected my blog ! I am so out of the loop as I have Had no time to read your blogs 😦 mommyhood is hard work! Details to follow ASAP!  Am holding my little girl and am about to go up and to bed. Zzzz

Our baby girl is born!

27 Jul

Our baby was born 7/20 at 12:10 a.m.  She is PERFECT!  It literally feels like I have two lives: one before her birth, and this new one.  All I can do is stare at her sweet beautiful little face.  She is my strawberry.

Labor was the scariest most awful thing I have ever experienced.  I think what made it so was the whole induction process.  When I went into the appointment, my blood pressure had skyrocketed.  They asked me if Mr Wolf worked close, and I said he could be here in five minutes.  They told me to get him to come. When he arrived I’d been in the contraction/heartbeat monitor.  The midwife explained that based on blood pressure it wasn’t safe for either mommy or baby, and that they’d like to admit me for induction.  “Can I have lunch before we check in? I am starving!”  Yes, we can grab some lunch.  Mom had driven me to appointment, so we drove to Mr Wolf’s office so he could grab his things, then drove to the hospital.

They admitted me, and started me on oral meds that speed up dilation (was only 1 cm). They sent me away for three hours so that they could evaluate when I returned.  We went to my sister’s house who lived close by. Hung out with my nephew.  Then returned for another dose. They’d monitor for three hours and assess.  No progress at 11pm so they sent me home and told me to return at 9a.m.   So home we went. Watched some TV, cuddled in bed.  I didn’t feel contractions or anything.  Didn’t feel anything different.  Went back in…. another dose.  Nothing. They hadn’t started other methods because there were no beds available in labor and delivery (this whole time I was in triage).  So they finally got me a bed and wheeled me over.  (While in triage I went through several shifts of OBs and nurses. and whole time I was strapped to contraction/heartbeat monitor.  If I had to pee it was a fiasco cause then they’d forget to strap the machines back in etc. I also remember feeling grateful that all OBs were female thus far).

So when admitted, they tried administering the medication intermally.  And still no progress in cervix. However I started feeling contractions coming on, and they were rocking my world.  one of the OBs said that since no progress in cervix, I had to decide if I wanted more aggressive intervention (Foley balloon), or go home and wait until contractions “worsen”.  I already felt that they were awful and had I felt these at home would have rushed in, so I didn’t want to have to drive back and forth in this kind of pain.  In went the Foley Balloon. worst pain ever!! I was attached to so many things: the balloon, the catheter, the IV, the contraction / heartbeat monitor….  the entire time Mr. Wolf was so wonderful. Finallly the balloon worked (and the Pitocin… they started a very light dose) and I started dilating.  A male OB actually did the cervix check. I remember swearing up and down that I’d deliver baby myself before allowing a male OB near me (extreme I know – but just trying to point out how much I am opposed to male dr’s!)  Well I learned that when you are in labor you really don’t give a sh*t!  Anyway, then around 9pm a different OB (different shift) said that I’d be ready to push soon.  Anesthesia had come in to administer the epidural (which amazingly I didn’t even feel go in!)  I felt really strong at first.  Pushing wasn’t so bad.  The coaching from the OB, the nurse, and Mr. Wolf was really great!  But one hour in and I was losing steam.  At one point I almost had a panic attack- the room started spinning, I felt like I was making no progress, it got really hot…. I made Jarred point the fan at me, which they perched right by my pillow.  Miracle!  It renewed my energy a bit.  At 11:30 she kept saying I was close, the baby was almost out, but that she was concerned I didn’t have the energy to do it.  If it got past midnight, they’d have to do a C-section. (they’d made me put on an oxygen mask since her base heartbeat was lower.) I imagined her in distress while they wheeled me over to operating room, and knew that in the meantime I’d also be dealing with the contractions.  (One thing that was confusing was that they told me to push when I felt a new contraction, but I just couldn’t distinguish them apart! so I mainly “guessed”).  Anyway, I just couldn’t do that to her.  She’d asked earlier about using a vacuum and saying it was a last resort, and so I agreed to it now.  Suddenly the room was filled with like 10 people: pediatrics, anesthesiologists, etc.  SWARMING.  they later explaind it was standard procedure when using vacuum assist.  I mustered all the energy and with Mr. Wolf’s coaching five minutes later our baby girl was born!  they scooped her up and placed her on my chest and all I could feel was amazement.  “I did it! I did it !  My baby!” and I sang the little lullabies I sang to her when she was in my womb.  Her little eyes just stared at me, and I just couldn’t believe it.  An unreal feeling. The epidural wore off for some reason and I felt all the stitches, but holding my little girl made me not even care about the pain.  We had skin to skin for an hour, and then daddy got to hold her.  The look on his face… such love!  I was wheeled to my hospital room and helped into my bed.  The exhaustion, the love.  I finally allowed them to wheel her to nursery so I could rest for a bit.  it was a whirlwind, and a long three night stay even BEFORE the labor.. but it was all worth it.  And I got to eat skittles and starburst finally too! 

(I forgot to mention how I could only eat ice even before the epidural because anything else, even juice, I threw up!)

those first nights were TERRIFYING.  one of the nights I went to look for her in the nursery because I missed her so much, and they told me she was spitting up amniotic fluid. They assured me it was normal, but I was so afraid that it’d happen and I wouoldn’t notice and she’d choke on it.  They also assured me that by the time I brought her home, it would be gone.  They were right, but at the time I was petrified.  I was also too traumatized from labor experience, and too wired to sleep even though I had plenty of opportunity to do so with all the nurses to care for Baby.

Mr. Wolf stayed with me all those nights, crammed into a small recliner with his 6’6″ body.  I did let him go home a few hours, but when he got home he cried that he missed us and should never had left.  It was sweet.  He kept marveling how he didn’t know how strong I was, and how proud he was of me. He has several ideas for a “push present” which I think is sweet.

We are one week home with the baby, and I have finally been able to take longer naps.  I still stare and stare at her, to make sure she is still breathing.  Its so scary!  The first few nights she had trouble with the latch, but breastfeeding has gotten easier;  sometimes she works herself into a frenzy where she’s desperate for the boob and with one hand pushes it away and with another grabs it closer. ha, silly girl.

My hormones are all over the place.  The love is unreal.

39 weeks, 6 days

16 Jul

Quick updates!  WordPress hates my IPad (or the reverse)… I’ve tried posting and it keeps freezing. GAH.  I also try commenting on others’ blogs and when they ask for credentials the keyboard feature on my IPad won’t pop up to let me type in my user name.  I fired up my laptop which I’ve been too lazy to do until right now.  Blogging was easier at work, ha ha!

So I’ve decided that natural induction only works when baby is ready to come out anyway.  Last Friday I did “induction acupuncture”, and took a loooong walk.  Also have eaten two entire pineapples/core… Made a strong brew of ginger root tea two nights in a row (that was the “trick” for my sister)….  ETC.  And nothing!  I have an OB appointment in two hours and I think they will prescribe induction meds.  Scary but exciting!!

It’s been really hard to stay asleep.  I feel like I wake up every hour to go pee, and don’t actually fall into a comfy sleep until 6 a.m.  It’s hard to get comfortable, every side I rest on is sore. And my wrists at night are useless!!!  The strain of the day makes them puffy and numb, and lately the tingling goes up until my right elbow.  I’ve been wearing a brace, and doing warm compresses when I notice that my vein is popping out.

It sounds awful but there are pluses too!!!  Pinky is great!  I am still buddy taping it, but I can walk with no pain!  I also can BREATHE now.  Baby has dropped so I have no more indigestion!!!  Which is HUGE because that used to make sleep pure torture between the peeing and the heartburn.

The hospital bags are packed, and baby’s room has come together beautiful.  Mr Wolf has put together her bassinette for downstairs, the co sleeper for upstairs, the sleeper sofa for downstairs (for when I don’t want to traipse up and down the stairs at first)… the swing… and more I forget what else.  All her clothes have been washed with baby detergent.  We are ready for you Lil Miss Kitty-Cat!

   

37 weeks !!

30 Jun

And my OB put me on medical leave!!! Thank GOD.  My commute home from work that first day back was even worse.  I was dizzy and nauseauted dealing with the pain of my toe and the heat of the day.  (We are STILL in a heat wave from last week!)  I got home and just cried.  The next morning back on the train to go to my weekly appt with OB.  I was telling her how awful it is trying to get to work and she said “Well, I don’t like this.  It’s unsafe for you,  I don’t want you to fall and hurt your belly. How about I put you on medical leave?”  YES, PLEASE!!!!  I can’t even describe the relief.  And I’m so lucky because my office JUST implemented a short term disability insurance program which they expedited so that I might benefit with normal maternity.  Since this is medical leave, this qualifies too. They took my blood pressure and then put me on the non stress test monitor where they monitor contractions, heartbeat, etc.  Dr. came into room and told me that my blood pressure was high and that due to this she would have put me on leave anyway.  I had a measuring ultrasound slated for July 8, but she wanted it ‘next day’ instead, and then based on the measurements and another blood pressure check this coming week, she’ll assess whether or not she’d like to induce.  EEEEK!  I have a feeling though that now that I don’t have to deal with the stress of a work commute on a broken toe in the heat, that my blood pressure readings will be alot lower.

now that I’ve been home, I haven’t even logged onto the computer! All of my favorite blogs I need to catch up on. I havent forgotten anyone! 

My carpal is getting bad again so I booked another accupuncture carpal session for tomorrow.  well wish me luck for this tuesday!

36 weeks, 4 days

24 Jun

Welllll, my easy first and second trimesters have come to haunt me right now: I broke my left pinky toe right on time for 9 months pregnant. 

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was so stupid, too. Monday night we’re settling down to watch TV, and I”m trying to make it so Mr. Wolf has a relaxing evening because he has a procedure Tuesday morning in which he has to “go under”. (Endoscopy: camera down throat to check out digestive system). So I’m walking across the dining room and accidently kick a chair.  INTENSE PAIN. I scream and start crying, and husband runs to the living room asking if I’m OK.  It hurt too much to even stand, and we both knew it was more than just a stub. I called my OB after-hours and they assured me that XRay would be fine at 35 weeks, to double shield.  The ER doctor took a look and told me that he felt comfortable XRAying me at 35 weeks, because at this point baby was fully developed and that they Xray premature babies starting at 23 weeks.  So at least that made me feel better, knowing it was safe.  The tech wheeled me and my big ol’ belly into the Xray room and I guess habit made him ask: “Any chance you might be pregnant?”  Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, did he think I was just carrying fat strangely?  “yes, 35 weeks” as I rub my ginormous belly.  “Oh! The doctor knows and is OK with this, right?” ANd i explain what he said.

Anyway, yep. Toe fractured.  I thought walking due to swelling was rough.  Now I have to pound this poor pinky with all this added weight.  I have crutches which CERTAINLY I cannot nor would I “swing” on.  (My MIL lent me hers, and gave me a tutorial complete with the swinging technique. UM, NO.) I took the rest of the week off of work and rested. BORING. I caught up on alot of TV. Now I’m back at work today and am miserable.  It really was awful taking that short walk from the train station to my office. It was literally 5 minutes before, so not “far”, but on a broken toe it felt like a mile!

I have an OB appt tomorrow morning and am so wishing she says “Well, this is too stressful for you and bad for pregnancy so putting you on bed rest”.  I can dream, right?

I had my shower on Saturday!!!  I’ll dedicate a fun post to this, I don’t want all the bad toe news tainting my baby shower 🙂