Archive | November, 2011

Day 5

10 Nov

I really really really hate the fact that our bedroom is located directly underneath our upstairs neighbor’s.  And that the walls are so thin.  And that you can basically hear a cough upstairs.

What does this mean for BD’ing? It means that I’m too paranoid to relax and enjoy myself, and it just kills the mood.  Kills it. Dead.

AGH. I’m so mad that I let my inhibitions and paranoia ruin what could have been a successful BD.  I’ve heard that these first days off BC you O, and I feel the tell-tale twinges in my left side. Yet I didn’t take advantage of this, I ruined it.  Sigh. 😦

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Day 4 off BC

9 Nov

This is my fourth day off BC, and already I am making myself go crazy.  These are the following “symptoms” I’m exhibiting:

 

-Day 2: sudden and out-of-the-blue sensitivity to smells.  We have a curtain up in the living room to “seal” in the heat.  We put it up Mid-September.  The curtain was given to me from a friend a while back, and suddenly it started to smell not-like-our-home.  I thought maybe it was  puppy smell.  I sprayed it down with lavendar.  Still funky.  I bought febreze last night for it.

 

-Tenderness on Day 3.  So much so that I had to hug my chest close on the train, they ached so badly. I even considered taking painkillers when I got to my desk at work.

 

-Dizziness.

 

-On day 3, I felt like everything was racing and tingly.  I felt strange on my drive to Target, and on the couch watching TV with Mr. JWolf  I told him I felt like I was crawling right out of my skin.

-Day 4, tired to the bone.  Ravenously hungry.

 

AND… of course….. my secret hopes tell me that maybe, just maybe, I have a bebe in my tummy.

Because all of the above could be PG symptoms. 

And then in the same breath, I tell myself to stop being ridiculous.  I’m 33.  I waited far too long.  It’s going to take a lot more, and I can’t expect to get PG right off BC, first cycle TTC. For all I know, I’m damaged.  For all I know, his boys aren’t healthy.  For all I know, it could be one year down the line and I’m still trying and stressed and depressed.

 

Oh, but what if it’s a BFP!  How exciting it would be!!!! 

   But, but, … what if it’s a BFP that doesn’t stick.  Or that sticks, but then MC’s. 

 

And here I am, cycle one, and I’m already making myself crazy.

Hello world!

9 Nov

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