Archive | January, 2012

TTC, Short Sale House, and School

24 Jan

I wish I could just figure out how to mentally remove myself from this.  It’s like I am my own enemy. I know that it’s too early to be panicking and worrying, but I am scared to death of the unknown.  I worry about whether or not I am able to conceive.  I worry about whether or not Mr. Wolf has healthy sperm count/mobility.  I worry about whether this mid cycle spotting I experience signifies a deeper medical condition.  I did set up an appointment for January 30th.  I am very reserved about talking about “women issues” with my mom.  I’m not sure why?  We are so super close.  We talk more than once a day on the phone every single day!  I have no problem telling Mr Wolf every little detail about my cycles, etc.  But when it comes to my mom, I get embarrassed.  Anyway, I spoke to her about spotting during what I think is ovulation, and she told me that she’d always had issues with her cycles too.  So that kind of gives me hope that since she had three children even with cycle issues, I should be able to as well. Argh. She started in her early 20s.  I am 33, however.  See how I do this to myself? I am my own enemy.

I have been trying to take my BBT since Friday, and it has been a big FAIL.  Friday night, we went to sleep around 3 a.m.  I had decided that 5 a.m. would be the time for me to take my temp every day, because that way I can just go back to sleep until my real alarm goes off at 7:32, and hopefully fall asleep deep enough to sleep through the stupid upstairs neighbors’ galloping around her room at 6 a.m.  I swear there is a pony or horse up there.  When she wakes me up, I am so upset and annoyed that I just roll around festering in bed until I fall back asleep.  It doesn’t happen EVERY morning, but I consider myself lucky the days that I don’t get woken up before my alarm.  I considered just setting it at 6 a.m., but I don’t want to guarantee myself annoyance every single morning.  So anyway, Saturday 5 a.m. came around, and I laughed at my alarm.  I couldn’t even consider grabbing the thermometer, which is right next to my bed, and taking my temperature and hearing those loud beeps.  I thought, well I may as well start Monday.  But I couldn’t fall asleep until 1 a.m. Sunday night.  And I had a long day ahead of me.  And I didn’t want to risk waking up at 5 am and not be able to fall back asleep until 6 am, right on time for Galloping Neighbor to re-wake me up… so I just ditched the whole idea. Another reason why they just NEED to accept the offer on the short sale.  Oh yes, I guess I haven’t mentioned that we put an offer on a house in November.  I guess it’s because TTC has been forefront in my mind.  But yea, progress has been slow.  We are waiting on the bank.  I prefer baby to house, but baby in our current apartment would not be good.  Too cramped and too many painful memories of missing our beautiful cat. 

I also start my new classes this week.  7-9:30 pm on campus, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Eeek!

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Cycle 3

10 Jan

We are currently in our third cycle in our bebe-makin’ journey.  This month it seems my obsession is:  how to become a stay at home mom while still earning the same amount of money I currently earn.  HA!  If only…

plans I’ve cooked up:  I can run a day care through my home, if the bank approves our offer on a short-sale that we signed on.   I think I can offer what many moms would want for their child care.  I used to be a full-time nanny for an Italian family that was here in the U.S. while the husband was doing research for cancer at a Boston-based hospital.  I’ve actually always enjoyed babysitting: in church, I always volunteered at the “day care” and helped with bottles, changing, etc.  I have university credits in early childhood development (currently I’m going to school part time but that’s another story).  I am fluent in a second language, which I can immerse the child in if the parent so wishes and thus provide a basis for a very useful tool in the child’s future.  (They say that the best time to pick up a second language is in the early years!)  My sister is a nurse and I consider her my on-call nurse for any and all medical questions, no matter how ridiculous.  I plan on being CPR certified which I can list as a qualification.

Plan 2:  win the lottery.  Then I can dedicate myself to raising our child and not worry about daycare and missing out on key moments.

sigh 😦

I’ll snap outta this.  I know daycare is a reality.  I know we’ll make it work.  I know I’ll still raise the baby.  The more I think about it though, the more running a small home daycare appeals to me.