Archive | December, 2012

Meet our JellyBean!

27 Dec


This is an image of JellyBean at 10.5 weeks, taken at yesterday’s ultrasound with my OB.

As soon as she found him (I feel like it’s a boy!), she said “wow! What’s going on here? What a happy bouncy baby!” JellyBean was just jumping, jumping, bouncing, waving its little arms up and down, spinning. The doctor kept laughing and saying “what a happy baby! Its having so much fun. What did you feed it?”
It was so wonderful. She counted it’s heartbeat and said it was a good strong beat, around 150. (those numbers are still Greek to me.)
The rest of the day I couldn’t stop smiling. 🙂


First ultrasound!

19 Dec

What a surreal and beautiful appointment!!!!!!  We saw our little jellybean- it was so teeny and precious and amazing and just… wow.  You could see his/her little head, and little arms.  It wasn’t a blob, it was a BABY.  The midwife pointed out the heart fluttering, she said it was beating strongly.  And it did little flips for us.  She measured the baby and said it was measuring exactly where it should be. (I forget the size, I was too enraptured by seeing my baby).  She said she’d wanted to SEE the baby and heartbeat before trying to listen for the heart, because it would lead to undue panic because sometimes you can’t hear it this early. She brought in the heart listening device and couldn’t hear it but she said it was OK – she’d seen it beat good and strong and that next week we should locate it.  I wish we’d heard it!!!!!!  She also gave me a good talk about STRESS.


She wants me off the pregnancy forums because I mentioned how nervous I was about coming in because I’ve read that women think they’re pregnant but then the ultrasound shows that the baby has stopped growing, etc.  She said those thoughts will stay in my head (and they have), and cause unnecessary stress – bad for baby!  She also suggested I shield myself from the news because all it will do is make me worry and sad (especially with the CT tragedy which I have not let myself read, so horrible. 😦 )  She wants me to do yoga and to try a meditation class.  She assured me that my body knows what it’s doing – that women have been doing this since the dawn of time.  To trust the process.  It was really reassuring and great to hear.  I really like her.  I am going to start proactively relaxing.  Is that even possible? Well, she said that whenever a brainworm (that’s what she called worries) crawled into my mind, to push it away. 


I’ve told the partners at work, and asked them to keep it under wraps until I’m ready to announce to everyone.  I have a bunch of appointments I have to schedule time off for, and didn’t want them thinking I was interviewing or that something was wrong. They were thrilled for me.  The midwife had said I could announce now if I wanted – she said chances of miscarrying are significantly lower today than two weeks ago.  I think I’ll still keep it a secret until the end of week 11.  I’d time it for the New Year!


Next Tuesday is my appointment with my GYN.  She’ll do another ultrasound.  The 3rd I have an appointment for the down syndrome screening.  Nothing would change my having this baby.  But I think it’s better to be prepared. I know that it’s a consideration in delivery because of heart conditions.  So I decided to go ahead with the screening.  That is in two parts.  They do the u/s and draw blood. Then four weeks later, they draw blood again and compare all the results and give you a percentage.  I’m not nervous about that because NOTHING would change.  I love this jellybean forever.


9 weeks

13 Dec

I’m 9 weeks, 2 days according to the American Pregnancy website. 

I feel like I’ve turned a corner mentally.

I’m still nervous and worried, and counting down the MINUTES until I hit the 12-week mark where chance of loss drastically decreases.  I don’t think I’ll ever breathe 100% easy, but I know that it’ll feel sooooo much better when I reach that milestone! 

I know it’s probably I N S A NE, but every time I go pee I am so scared of finding spotting.  Every. Time.  I still check, but the paralyzing fear has lessened.  You know, I don’t even know why I’m so anxious?  This is my first pregnancy ever, and it’s not like my fears are heightened due to past experience.  My aunt had a loss, although she was in her 40s I believe.  (And I know losses can happen at any age).  I still think it’s because it took so long to get here, and it’s felt too good to be true.  But I’m less anxious, and beginning to enjoy the fact that yes, yes it’s true, I am pregnant!!!

How do I feel?

Less nervous.


Still no morning sickness/vomiting.  I know this can hit people later, so I know I’m not out of the woods.

I do feel nausea.  I pop a sour patch kid when I get it bad. Maybe that’s the trick to not vomiting? 😉

Pants are tighter.  I’m still wearing same pants, just not buttoning them.  I wear a tank underneath my blouses so it’s not too obvious.

I get SO unbelievably tired.  It’s 3pm and I’m crashing hard here at work.  I’m so glad the semester is over.  Tomorrow we’re having our office Holiday party, and since it’s a late night I already said I’d be coming in late so I am not exhausted (my supervisor and close colleagues that knew we were TTC know.)  If I weren’t already coming in late tomorrow, I’d probably leave early today.  GAH.


Sleep is still so hard for me.  Last night I got in bed super early (for me)- at 10:00pm.  I read until 11, and fell asleep.  Then at 1:30 I woke up to pee and couldn’t fall back asleep for an HOUR because of Mr. Wolf’s snoring. It was AWFUL.  Nothing I did would wake him up.  I finally stormed out of bed and slept on the couch.  It was fine until 6:30, when someone’s truck woke me up.  So I went back upstairs to bed (the snoring had stopped), but couldn’t fall back asleep until 7. My alarm goes off at 7:30. 

I made my first ever baby purchase on Etsy!  They were a pair of lion cub booties that I’ve been obsessed with since TTC.  I never bought them when we were trying, for fear of a jinx.  I figured I’d buy them but would wait until 12 weeks to open them.  (the site says 2-3 weeks for shipment, and today is 2 weeks, so maybe I’ll be 12 weeks by the time I get them! Reviews say they are pretty slow.)  I’ll try to post a picture of them.Image

I’ve also been thinking of ways to announce.  So far I think my best idea is to spell it out with my favorite game, banagrams!!  I’ll try to post a picture of that too, ha ha.  This was just an idea, I think the “real” one will have us in the background.Image


Sirloin ground meat

Smell of the fridge (GAG)

Scented candles


Canned chicken noodle soup (UGH)

Water. HATE water. I force it down.

No cravings!  I’m still trying to more or less count my WW Points, but I’m not being very strict. 

Five more days.  I can’t wait to meet our little jellybean.

8 weeks – random updates!

4 Dec

New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby’s hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his “tail” is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven’t developed enough to reveal whether you’re having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can’t feel it. – babycenter

I’m feeling less worry and trepidation about my pregnancy.  I am finally beginning to admit to myself that yes, I am truly pregnant! This is real!!  I’ve ventured back onto the forums, being careful not to open any threads that sound scary or sad.  I know it makes me seem crazy, but I really want to shield myself from sad threads.  I already worry so much to begin with, and I tend to absorb other people’s problems emotionally and don’t want to do that to myself.

I actually requested a pregnancy-related item on my Christmas list- a body pillow!  I find myself throwing my leg up on a pillow while sleeping on my side, so I thought a body pillow would be perfect.  (I looked up that snoogle pillow and it didn’t look comfy to me.) 

Things I’m doing differently:

I haven’t had an ounce of caffeine since my BFP.  Luckily, I’d started weaning myself off caffeine a few cycles before.  I used to drink: a Tazo tea in the morning (or a 20 oz diet coke), another diet coke before the gym, then another with lunch, another around 4, and at dinner.  YEP. I was a diet coke FIEND.  One or two months before my BFP, I tapered down to one tea in the morning, and one diet coke at lunch, and none with dinner.  I’d understandably been having a hard time sleeping, so I thought it would help (didn’t really.)

I know I can safely have caffeine up to a certain amount, but I’ve been so nervous about this BFP that I didn’t want to do ANYTHING that would make me wonder, should anything happen.  I never want to ask myself- “what if I hadn’t had that one glass of wine my friends say is safe,” or “I wonder if it was the morning tea every day…”  So at least in this first trimester, when everything feels so tenuous, I am being strict.  I haven’t really missed/needed it.  It just gets BORING.  I’ve been drinking water, but this past week water tastes gross.  In fact, a side story: I used to love Brita filters.  I bought a Target generic one and the water tasted like pure chemicals.  I returned it and bought the Brita one, thinking it was because it’d been a “knock off” version.  Nope.  Brita tasted like pure chemicals as well!!  My Poland Springs single bottles tasted good, so I bought two of those mutli-gallon Poland Springs spout bottles.  Well, that water tasted too plastic-y!!!  Ay a yay, after I’d bought two of those babies.  So it seems I can only tolerate Poland springs water bottles, or my filters at work (it’s a machine that seems like a bubbler, but it filters the water).  Anyway, I’ve tried adding lemon to the water which makes it taste yummier.  I’m trying to not have too much sugar, but juice now and then has worked too.

Ginger Ale too.  I read somewhere that the use of actual ginger has been linked to loss in first trimester.  It’s actually a controversial topic because of course with everything, there are the naysayers and the supporters.  I decided that again, I don’t want to wonder. (and no, I’m not shielding myself from EVERYTHING! I have mayo, and eat Subway roast chicken and lettuce, etc. 🙂 ) Anyway, Canada Dry uses the real ginger so I’ve been having Schweppe’s.  It tastes better to me anyway.

Smells- people’s breakfasts feel OUT OF CONTROL.  I peeled an orange and kept smelling the peel every time I felt like gagging. I think my boss brought in something greasy and horrible, I could smell it all the way to my desk! 

I thiiiink my pants are getting snugger!!!  I’m a size 12/14, so it’s not that I’ve ever had a flat stomache.  But I think I “see” something there 🙂