Two months old!

23 Sep

Cat is two months old!  I feel like I’ve only recently felt like “myself” again.  Those first few weeks were the most difficult of my entire life!!!  To hold your tiny baby, so helpless without you, totally dependent on you… fills you with so much love and is yet so terrifying!!!  Those first nights when my husband, mom, and I took turns watching her sleep (literally) were the scariest of my life.  I was certain that she’d start spitting up amniotic fluid, or that she’s stop breathing, or that I’d find her with her little face pressed against the side of the bassinette.  So scary.  Setting the alarm for every three hours so she could eat was also stressful.  I’d be so sleepy and would be so afraid of falling asleep with her in my arms and then either suffocating her or dropping her.  And the tiredness.  One time I even hallucinated! Mr. Wolf asked if I wanted to rest alone for a while, so I said yes and he took Cat down for a while.   I woke up and went down the stairs, and then panicked when I realized she wasn’t in my arms! The terror I felt.  I checked in my shirt and was relieved because I thought she was tucked between my boobs.  Yea…….  Another time I asked my husband if he could take the baby from me because I needed to pee, to please watch her for a minute.  Yea, he’d already been holding her.  Sleep deprivation is NO JOKE!  I honestly think that’s a huge factor, combined with hormones, in the baby blues which I did have for about a month.

I feel like she started getting longer stretches of sleep starting maybe at one month.  Now she’s been giving me up to 8 hours!! Sometimes she will wake up at 4 am to eat, or 6 am… but mostly she lets me sleep in until 9.  Then she eats, and we nap together for a bit with her on my chest.  She used to go to sleep at 3 a. m. for the night, but lately she’s been going to sleep “for the night” starting at midnight. YES.  Which gives me time for reading.  Yep. Funds for my scholarship got renewed so am taking two online classes this semester.  At first I was panicking because there was no way I’d want to do something that would take precious time away from my little girl.  This maternity leave is supposed to be about bonding! I have until December and I want to enjoy every possible second with her!  So I told myself I’d give it a week and see if I was sacrificing time from her. NOT worth it to me.  Yes, I want her to be proud of mami for finishing her Bachelor’s finally. But not at the expense of too much time from her.  But it’s worked!  I do my reading during her day time naps, and at night too (it’s 3 am right now.)  I actually kinda cram it all into two or three days so really it’s not bad.  Enough about school,

I’ve been taking her to parks on solo trips during the work week. She loves being underneath trees.  She will just look up at the trees with those beautiful innocent eyes.  Oh her eyes are just gorgeous.  When she looks into my eyes I just melt.  She will lay on my chest and crook her head to the side to look at me, and I’ll sing to her our little songs and she just stares at me and there’s so much love I could cry.  I’m tearing up right now just thinking about it.  I wish I could freeze time and just live in the now forever.  I also take her on shopping excursions with my sisters, and she has so far behaved so well!!

On weekends Mr Wolf and I take her on picnics.  Yesterday we sat on the grass and I brought a cover to breastfeed her.  only, there was no back support so it was really uncomfortable.  So, Mr Wolf and I sat back-to-back and that gave me support and felt better.  People did double takes as they walked by.  What a sight that must have been, ha ha.

Breastfeeding: I LOVE IT.  I really don’t remember what I’ve written, so I’m sorry if this is a re-write.  It was really hard for her to latch in the hospital.  Sometimes she’d get it, which was great, and other times she’d panick and just cry and give up.  On the third day she went through a really long spell of not latching so I told them I’d like to try formula because she was starving.  The LC agreed that she should have a little.  Luckily for us, with practice she got the hang of latching on!  So, she breastfeeds, and Mr Wolf will give her the occasional bottle of formula when I don’t have pumped breastmilk. (I hate pumping!!)

She loves bathtime!! Loves it.  She’ll just sit there, wriggling her little arms and legs, and coo.  She’ll watch the water, and look at me, and you can just tell she loves it.  One time she even fell asleep, ha ha!

Smiling started at maybe 6 weeks. Cooing started at around 7 weeks.  Now at 9 weeks she’s “really” starting her cooing.  It’s the cutest! She only fusses when she is hungry.  She has this cute little scream when she can’t fall asleep.  Love love love that!  She’s so happy and sweet, I’m such a lucky mommy!

Well, these are just some random updates!I love my baby girl. Those first few weeks were ROUGH but we have found a groove and I’m just enjoying every minute of mommyhood 🙂   


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